Mom fading

My mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia at age 60, when I was 26 and my sister was 25 with a newborn and a 2 year old. We have been managing her care for the better part of 17 years with lots of ups and downs. We are very fortunate that she didn't have any personality impacts from the dementia and remains kind, loving, open hearted, witty, fun. While she is now at the latest stages and declining rapidly, we get rare moments of lucidity now and then.

by Erin Colbrese

I found out today my mom is going to die

Sooner than later

Finally.

This year was a steep cliff. The first 15 were rolling hills and the longest stairs down.

My sister seemed relieved, almost optimistic.

Maybe it's been hardest on her. She's closest in miles but furthest in distance.

Mom would have said "kill me" 16 years ago. She would have expected and executed a different path. Probably even made the news.

Now, it's been a life savings and a life changing donation for her care.

Maybe I'm relieved for her.

From barely lucid mumbles, mom still makes her declarations.

She was never shy but always Catholic.

Mom, I wish I could have saved you from the tyrant who was my father.

Your brilliance was questioned and dulled

Except when it was just us girls. When he was gone, you were magical

When I figured it all out, I did my best to distract him and protect you

He made the choice after he had already started the fire that is killing you now.

And tried to kill off parts of me.

But I have your fire. I have your ire. I have the Irish.

Mom, I wish we could have healed together but you were already gone.